Beyond the Shift 

Aissa Hillebrand
Intuitive Mindset Coach

Are you present in the present? Of course, you’re physically here. That’s a given. But are your heart and mind living in the beauty of the gift of being alive today? If you’re like me, the answer is—maybe. Some days I feel like I can dwell in the moment with ease. Others, the past and the future command my attention, filling me with regret, frustration, anxiety, even dread. But I have found one powerful tool to reset when I enter these moments—meditation.

Meditation for me started with a minute or two a day. Just a few minutes of releasing my judgments and instead working to expand my heart into curiosity...starting with curiosity about my own thoughts and the limits I am placing on myself. One of my most powerful meditation practices in times of fear or worry is to ask myself what it is I don’t think I can handle, and why.

If you are judging yourself that way, stop right now. Close your eyes. Reflect on what you don’t think you can handle right now, and why you don’t think you can handle it.

No, don’t start judging yourself for judging yourself. Remember, be curious. Listen to the answer.

Examining what gives us one reaction over the other is an early step to healing ourselves within. When we pass judgment about what and why we are feeling, this holds us back. Instead, be curious about why you are procrastinating, feeling blue, or replaying past hurts.

Does it sound hard to be objective about yourself? I know, it is. When our mind gets twisted there isn’t room for expansion of our perspective and more importantly, expansion of our heart. Then we get tight-lipped about our own needs, and tight-lipped with jealousy of others who seem to be achieving what we long for. When in reality, that judgment is what is holding us back from stepping into our higher selves and our reason for being.

Notice I said reason for being, not the things we should be doing. God created us to Be, to enjoy the glory of creation, not to only do and achieve. This place is temporary, remember? So with that in mind, look at another way you can show up in the world. What if you decided you could stop the mental hustle and what if you just go with the flow instead?

What matters is that you are grounded, happy, and healthy, in connection with your higher power. Does your work give you life and energy? If not, why are you sticking with it? Because of the pressure of what success needs to look like? Take the cap off the toothpaste. Let it out, for just a few minutes a day, where you practice suspending your judgments and internal narrative. I promise, you will see the gift and glory of expansion in your heart.

For me, this has manifested most in a reduced obsession with the idea of time, timelines, time frames, and not having time. Because time is really an illusion. The present moment is the only thing that matters—and in the present, we are already fully-qualified to receive every gift, goal, and dream we aspire to.

If you are putting your joy on pause until you are “good enough” to feel it, I have been there with you. And I believe you are worthy of more, and I want to help you nurture yourself to grow that belief as well. It can start with just a few minutes a day—or by reaching out to me to schedule a brief introduction and connect around your goals.


Updated: Dec 16, 2021

Something I have been called out for, on more than one occasion, is how much I curse.

Excuse me. How much I fucking curse.

People get upset I am cursing because it doesn’t sit right with them. They challenge me to find a better, more eloquent way of expressing myself. What I have never understood in these moments is why I should self-edit to make others more comfortable.

In part, that is expected because I am a woman. Self-editing to keep others comfortable is supposed to be second-nature to me, and certainly not something I speak out against. But what is also interesting is how often the people calling me out for cursing are other women. Are they trying to help, protecting me from the judgment of others, especially men? Or are they policing my tone, trying to put the same limits on me that they have accepted for themselves? Either way, I have decided I don’t really care.

Cursing someone out is one thing. This is not about defending rudeness. But that also underscores another point about cursing—it’s not the words, it’s the energy. If your statement isn’t coming from a good energy, it doesn’t matter what words you use. Someone will not be happier about being insulted by you simply because you don’t use swear words. The same amount of energy is put into choosing our words whatever they are, even (and maybe especially) when we speak without thinking. Choosing or not choosing to use swear words isn’t defining who you are or your values—that is done by your energy.

To me, swearing is sometimes a release of frustration. Other times it’s a celebration, like when something is the shit, or just damn cool. No matter which energy, or any emotion in between, I have noticed on reflection that when I am swearing is often when I am at the height of transparency and authenticity in my communication.

In that, I know I am not alone. For years now, studies are regularly released showing that cursing is a sign of intelligence, a sign of honesty, and improves our pain tolerance:

  • A 2015 study found that people with a large vocabulary of curse words have a larger vocabulary in general, a direct rebuttal of the “poverty of vocabulary” myth that people use curse words because they don’t know other words to express themselves.